listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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