i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
