i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
