So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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