Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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