I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
