no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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