Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
