Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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