Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
