There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
