Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
