i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
