I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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