Plan B is the new Plan A
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
