My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize