I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i came on her dog
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
