the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
