I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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