am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
