Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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