my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
