We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
