Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize