That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
