Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
