i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
