I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
