I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
