so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
