Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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