I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
