Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
