The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
