If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
