some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
