its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
