after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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