I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
