He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
