We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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