Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
