he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
