someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
