This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
