at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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