so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
