I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
