Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
