Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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