i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
