oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize