life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
