apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
