How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
