Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize