just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
