I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
