she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
