mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
