He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
