Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he thought i was a dude.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
