Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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