It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
