Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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