and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
