you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
