Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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