exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
