She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
