"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
