Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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