wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
