I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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