She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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