I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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