I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
