I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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