After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
