garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize