are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
