She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize