Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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