we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
