I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
