I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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