I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize