I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
