no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
