wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
