hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
