So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
