I just made out with a guy for $7.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
