so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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