Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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