it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
