help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
