i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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