Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
