I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
