i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
