We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize