I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
