Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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