Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
