I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize