My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
