The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
